Frequently Asked Questions

Gaslighting is when someone makes you doubt your own reality, memory, or perceptions — and it's often so gradual you don't notice it happening. Common signs include being told “that never happened,” feeling like you're “too sensitive,” second-guessing your own memory after conversations, and feeling confused or off-balance even when you know what you experienced.

The hardest part about gaslighting is that it makes you distrust the very instinct telling you something is wrong. If you regularly feel like you're “going crazy” after interactions with someone, that feeling itself is a signal worth paying attention to.

reFrame™'s inbound analysis can look at a specific message someone sent you and identify manipulation patterns — including gaslighting, deflection, and reality distortion — so you can trust what you're seeing. Paste their message, and CPI will tell you exactly what patterns are present.

Yes — reFrame™ analyzes text messages (and any written communication) for 22+ toxic communication patterns using Communication Pattern Intelligence (CPI) technology, built on 40+ years of Gottman Institute research.

Two-way detection means you can paste in a message you received to check if it contains manipulation, gaslighting, contempt, or other harmful patterns — OR paste a message you're about to send to check your own patterns before they cause damage.

reFrame™ is specifically designed for people in difficult relationships who need to validate what they're experiencing. No signup required, your messages are never stored, and it's completely private. It's also available as a Chrome extension — highlight any message on the web, right-click, and analyze it instantly.

Based on 40+ years of Gottman Institute research, the Four Horsemen — criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling — are the strongest predictors of relationship breakdown. These patterns predict failure with over 90% accuracy.

reFrame™ extends beyond the Four Horsemen to detect additional patterns: gaslighting, manipulation, control tactics, emotional invalidation, threatening, blame-shifting, blackmail, coercion, passive aggression, and more — 22+ patterns total across 12 different relationship types.

These patterns exist across all relationships — romantic partners, parents and children, managers and employees, friends, family, colleagues, and neighbors. The patterns are the problem, not the person. Everyone uses some of these patterns some of the time. The goal is awareness, not judgment.

First, validate your own experience. If something felt wrong, that feeling matters. You don't need anyone else's permission to trust your own perception.

The R³ Framework™ (Regulated, Respectful, Repairable) offers a practical structure: Regulated means managing your own emotional state before responding. Respectful means maintaining your own dignity — this doesn't mean being nice to someone who's hurting you. Repairable means keeping doors open only if it's safe to do so.

Concrete strategies: name the specific behavior without attacking the person, state your boundary clearly, and don't JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain) with someone who's gaslighting you. JADE gives a gaslighter more material to distort.

reFrame™ can help you craft a response that sets boundaries without escalating — paste your draft response and it will coach you through the R³ principles, catching any reactive patterns before you send them.

The Four Horsemen come from Dr. John Gottman's research at the University of Washington — they're the four communication patterns that predict relationship failure with over 90% accuracy:

• Criticism: Attacking someone's character rather than addressing a specific behavior (“You're so lazy” vs. “I'm frustrated about the dishes”)
• Contempt: Expressing superiority or disgust — eye-rolling, mockery, name-calling. The single strongest predictor of relationship failure.
• Defensiveness: Deflecting responsibility instead of listening — excuse-making, counter-attacking, playing the victim
• Stonewalling: Shutting down, withdrawing, or refusing to engage. Often happens when someone is emotionally flooded.

Gottman also identified antidotes: Gentle Startup, Building a Culture of Appreciation, Taking Responsibility, and Physiological Self-Soothing.

reFrame™'s Communication Pattern Intelligence (CPI) is built on this research but extends it significantly — detecting 22+ toxic patterns and 7 healthy patterns beyond the original four, calibrated across 12 different relationship types, because contempt from a romantic partner looks different from contempt from a manager.

CPI (Communication Pattern Intelligence) is our proprietary AI-powered system that identifies both toxic and healthy communication patterns in messages you send and receive. It's built on 40+ years of Gottman Institute research on what predicts relationship failure — and what predicts relationship success.

CPI detects 22+ toxic patterns and 7 healthy patterns:

Toxic patterns (red flags):

• Criticism: Attacking character instead of addressing behavior
• Contempt: Disrespect, mockery, superiority (most destructive)
• Defensiveness: Playing victim, making excuses, counter-attacking
• Stonewalling: Withdrawal, silent treatment, shutting down
• Gaslighting: Denying reality, questioning someone's sanity
• Manipulation: Guilt-tripping, emotional blackmail, conditional love
• Threats: Ultimatums, abandonment threats, controlling behavior
• Plus 15+ additional patterns including blackmail, coercion, and passive aggression

Healthy patterns (green flags):

• Validation: Acknowledging the other person's experience
• Gentle Startup: Raising issues without attacking
• Accountability: Taking responsibility for impact
• De-escalation: Reducing tension constructively
• Appreciation: Expressing genuine gratitude
• Repair Attempt: Trying to fix what went wrong
• Active Listening: Demonstrating genuine engagement

CPI is based on patterns that predict relationship failure with 90%+ accuracy (according to Gottman Institute research). Our AI detection is constantly improving, currently operating at 85-90% accuracy based on user feedback. It's not perfect, but it catches most harmful patterns effectively.

You'll see a warning modal that shows:

• Which pattern(s) were detected
• The severity level (low, medium, or high)
• An explanation of why the pattern is harmful
• A suggestion for a healthier approach

You then choose to either edit your message or continue to reframing. Either way, you're learning what to avoid.

Yes! CPI offers Two-Way Communication Pattern Intelligence (Patent Pending).

Inbound Protection: When you paste context (what they said to you), CPI analyzes THEIR message for toxic patterns like gaslighting, manipulation, and stonewalling — and highlights healthy patterns like accountability and repair attempts. If toxic patterns are detected, you'll see a warning that validates your perception and suggests healthy boundary-setting responses.

Outbound Protection: CPI also analyzes YOUR message before you send it, catching patterns like contempt, criticism, and defensiveness, while recognizing your healthy communication strengths.

Why this matters: People in toxic relationships often can't see manipulation clearly. Gaslighting victims doubt their own reality. CPI provides real-time validation: “You're not crazy. This IS gaslighting.”

This is our most powerful feature. When CPI detects toxic patterns in the context you provide, you'll see:

• Pattern identification: “GASLIGHTING detected in their message”
• Educational explanation: Why these patterns are harmful to YOU
• Validation: “Your perception is valid. These patterns are real. Trust yourself.”
• Response suggestion: How to set boundaries without engaging with toxicity

CPI also highlights any healthy patterns in their message — because sometimes a message contains both toxic and healthy patterns, and understanding that complexity matters.

If you proceed to reframe, the system helps you craft a response that protects your dignity and sets clear boundaries.

No — reFrame™'s CPI engine detects both toxic and healthy communication patterns. When someone sends you a message containing genuine accountability, a repair attempt, or active listening, reFrame™ highlights it as a “green flag.” This helps you recognize healthy communication, which is especially important if past relationships have made it hard to trust your own judgment about what's normal.

Green flags are research-validated positive communication patterns identified by the Gottman Institute. reFrame™ detects seven: validation, gentle start-ups, accountability, de-escalation, appreciation, repair attempts, and active listening. These are the opposite of toxic patterns — they're signs of healthy communication. reFrame™ surfaces them so you can recognize when someone is communicating well, not just when they're communicating poorly.

Yes, and this is one of CPI's most important capabilities. A message like “I'm sorry I yelled at you, but you always provoke me” contains a repair attempt (healthy) AND blame-shifting (toxic). reFrame™ shows you both. Learning to see this complexity — “they're trying AND there's still a pattern here” — is a key part of developing real communication intelligence.

Important clarification: CPI detects communication patterns, not diagnoses abuse or labels people.

What CPI DOES: Identifies specific patterns (both toxic and healthy), explains why patterns are harmful, validates your perception if toxic patterns are present, suggests healthy responses and boundaries.

What CPI DOESN'T do: Diagnose mental health conditions, label someone as “an abuser,” tell you to leave the relationship, or replace professional help.

Think of CPI as pattern intelligence, not diagnosis. You maintain full autonomy to decide what to do with the information.

If toxic patterns are detected in both their message (context) and your draft response, CPI shows the INBOUND alert first because your safety and validation are the priority.

After you see that their behavior is manipulative/toxic, if you click “Continue to reFrame™” and your response STILL contains harmful patterns, you'll see a second alert about your outbound message.

Why this order matters: It's important for you to understand you're responding to toxicity BEFORE being told your response is also toxic. Context matters.

Not currently—CPI is a core part of the learning experience. However, you always have the choice to proceed to reframing after seeing a warning. Think of it like a seatbelt warning in a car: it alerts you, but you maintain control.

No! CPI doesn't judge you as a person—it identifies communication patterns. We all use these patterns sometimes, especially when hurt or angry. CPI is there to help you notice them and learn healthier alternatives. It's education, not judgment.

CPI aims for high accuracy, but false positives can happen. If you believe a warning was incorrect, you can proceed to reframing. We're continuously improving detection based on feedback. If you notice consistent false positives, please let us know at info@wereframe.com.

No. CPI identifies communication patterns, not mental health conditions or abuse. If you're experiencing abuse, manipulation, or safety concerns, please contact appropriate authorities or crisis resources. CPI is educational—it's not a diagnostic tool or substitute for professional help.