Paste the message you got. We'll show you the pattern in it, not a verdict on you or them.
$0 to start. No signup. Nothing stored.
reFrame™ reads the messages you get and the ones you’re about to send. Flip the switch. Pick a message. Watch the pattern surface.
You’re overreacting. I never said that. You always twist everything I say.
Reality gets rewritten so you doubt your own memory. Naming it out loud is how you stop absorbing it.
That’s not how I remember it, and I’m not going to argue about whether it happened.
17 patterns: 10 toxic and 7 healthy, across 15 relationships. We detect. We don’t diagnose.
However the hard part reaches you, a text you can’t stop reading, a blow-up that wasn’t one message, a whole relationship, or the conversation you’re dreading, there’s a way in. Start anywhere.
Paste what you’re about to send, or what just landed in your chest. reFrame names the pattern underneath before it costs you.
For the blow-up that wasn’t one message. Describe what happened and your part in it, and see the pattern map.
Paste 3 to 15 screenshots from one relationship. reFrame reads the relationship, not the moment.
For the conversation you keep avoiding, or the one you know is coming. Find your opening and try it before it’s real.
Not sure which one you need? Start with a single message
Thirteen years ago, my wife and I were separated. I happened to be at a Panera with my two kids. At the time, my daughter was around 3, maybe almost 4. Being naturally petite, she loved sitting at the high tables, the irony. Anything to put a smile on her face, so that’s where we sat.
As she was climbing up on the stool, she turned around at the top to face the table and her elbow hit her Dr Pepper. Needless to say, it went everywhere…the table, the floor, and the extended splash residuals from the height of the table.
And I felt it inside…the cortisol hit me, the adrenaline flew through my veins. Every pattern I’d inherited told me to snap and make it about the mess. This was nothing more than 30 years of “training” showing up just in time to make an impact, not necessarily a good one, but nevertheless, an impact.
But this time, something was different. In a span of 3 seconds, which felt like 3 minutes, I turned my attention from the mess to her face where we locked eyes. I watched her entire soul light up with fear…she was literally bracing for the blow up she’d learned to expect from me.
I didn’t give it to her. I smiled and said, “It’s okay, beautiful. It was an accident. Let’s clean it up.”
I didn’t know it yet, but it was that spilled Dr Pepper at Panera that changed my life, and ultimately birthed the R³ Framework. It was the first time in my life I felt my nervous system fire and chose my response over my reaction.
My daughter is sixteen now. She’s one of the most grounded, self-aware, respectful young adults I know. Not because I lectured her about feelings. Because of a hundred small moments like that one, where she learned that a spilled drink…is just a spilled drink.
Children don’t inherit our beliefs. They inherit our nervous systems.
I spent years figuring out what I actually did in that moment, and how to do it on purpose. This is what we know today as the R³ Framework: Regulated, Respectful, Repairable.
Regulated. Do I have control right now, or is the emotion doing the talking?
Respectful. Does this honor the other person’s dignity, even when I’m hurt?
Repairable. Can I come back from this, or am I breaking something I’ll need later?
That’s the standard reFrame runs on. And once you have it, you carry it into rooms we’ll never see.
When someone types something that isn't a relationship pattern anymore, reFrame stops everything. No analysis. No reframe. Just the right resources, instantly, for every user, at no cost, no signup.
Because safety should never be behind a paywall, or a loading screen.
Whether you're writing it or reading it, see what's really there before it's too late.
Try reFrame$0 to start. No signup. No data stored.
Need to read a whole situation, not one message? reFrame the Situation →